Faith
by Olivia's-Lost-daughter
Summary: Formally known as God's Greatest Gifts. Alyssa is a new SVU detective. The squad finds her missing daughter. Will it be happily ever after.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I so wish they belong to me. I only own Alyssa and McKenna

Summary: Alyssa is a new SVU detective. She has been there for almost 2 years. She has a 6 year old daughter, who was kidnapped when she was an infant. The second chapter will explain. A little EO is thrown in, but not till chapter three. The first two are focused on Alyssa and her daughter. some EO smut and other things so I rated it M

* * *

Chapter one: Found 

Olivia Benson walked out of the child interogation room. She ahd been talking to a six-year old girl. I sat at my desk working on papers from a week ago. We had fallen behind with Elliot and Olivia working on a special case. I yawned and pulled my hair out of my face. As I stretched my arms, Olivia walked up to my desk. She sat on the edge of it. She picked up my cup of coffee and took a sip. I crinkled my nose and laughed. "What's up?"

"Cragen wants to see you in his office." She said. She had a smile on her face that I had never seen. I didn't know if it was good or not, but I stood up and followed her to our captain's office. Elliot, John and Casey were standing with Don in his office.

"What is going on?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"We ran Riley Vail's DNA through the system." Casey said. Riley is the little girl that Olivia had been talking to.

"And? Were her parents in the system?" I asked. " We need to find this girls' parents. I mean they haven't seen her in nearly 7 years."

"We have known who her mother is. We just had to double check." Elliot said.

"Okay so who is her mother?" I asked growing frustrated.

Casey pulled a piece of paper out of her briefcase. "Riley Vail, matches your DNA. Riley is your daughter."

I turned to Olivia. "Is this some sick joke? April fools is long gone." Tears started forming. I couldn't believe what was just said.

"Riley is yours." Olivia whispered, nearly crying. " The people who kidnapped her changed her name and treated her like their own." Mckenna was her real name. She had been kidnapped when she was 7 months old.

Elliot opened the door to reveal Fin and Riley. I smiled when I saw her. I walked over to her and kneeled down to her level. "Hi, Sweetie."

"Hi," She smiled. "Finny said you are my mommy." Her blue eyes sparkled in the light, her two brown pigtails bounced as she spoke.

"Well Finny was right." I said. Fin glared at me. I stifled a laugh. "I haven't seen you since you were just a little baby."

"Did you love me?" She asked

"More then you'll ever realize." I said. I touched her soft brown hair. She surprised me by wrapping her arms around me. I did the same. "I missed you so much."

"Mommy?" She said as she pulled away.

"Yeah baby?"

"I am hungry." She whispered. I laughed as I stood up. I picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"Well I guess we will have to go to McDonalds."

"Yay!" She shouted. "Can Elliot and Olivia go too?"

"Sure." I said. I took her into the squad room so that I could get my purse. I sat her on my desk chair as I got my purse out of my dress. I looked at Riley who was staring at a picture. I picked up the picture. "That was you. It was your very first picture."

"Why does it say McKenna at the bottom?"

"That was your real name. The people who took you renamed you so that I couldn't find you."

"Why did they take me?"

"I am not sure, but I do know that no one will ever take you again."

Elliot and Olivia walked over to us. "Hey girls, you ready to go?"

"I know I am." I said. " You ready girlie?"

"Yep, mommy, I am ready." The four of us walked out to the car. As we got in she turned to me. " I want you to call me McKenna."

I smiled and got into next to her. She recited her ABC's and counted all the way up to 50 by the time we got to McDonalds. I carried her into the restaurant. Her light brown hair blew in her face. She snuggled into my neck, blocking herself from the wind. I kissed her cheek and smoothed back her hair. She slightly sighed as she played with my necklace. I looked at Olivia who walked next to me.

"Thank you" I mouthed. My lip trembled and a tear ran down my cheek


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia and I took McKenna shopping after dinner. Both carts were piled high with toys, clothes, books and shoes. We made our way back to the check out counter. "I hope we got everything."

"I hope so too." Olivia agreed. "You are one spoiled little girl."

McKenna giggled as Olivia tickled her. I paid the whole 4 hundred dollars and we headed to my place. The two of us unpacked the bags. Elliot had been kind enough to bring over his daughter's old bed, dresser, and toy chest. He was putting them together While Olivia and I put away the clothes. McKenna was organizing her stuffed Animals by size.

"Go figure." Elliot said.

"Huh?" Both Olivia and I looked at him, confused.

"She is OCD like you too." I glared at Elliot

"Shut up Stabler."

Well past midnight, McKenna's room was finally done. She had fallen asleep in her bed about two hours ago. We were all tired. I noticed that Olivia was running into things, because she was so tired.

"My couch pulls out into a bed. Extra blankets and pillows are in the hall closet."

"Thanks." Olivia said grabbing the blankets. Elliot pulled out the couch.

"Good-night." I said, walking into my own room. I was severely tired but couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. I was afraid that if I woke up this would all be a dream. Olivia and Elliot would be at their own apartment; McKenna would still be with Sam and Kelly Smith. Tomorrow was their arraignment. Casey was going for no bail. I couldn't hold off sleep much longer, as I drifted off to sleep, my door slowly opened. I sat up pulling the comforter over my pink bra. It was McKenna. "Pumpkin, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Elliot and Olivia woke me up." She whined rubbing her eyes.

"How did they wake you up?" I asked lifting her on to my bed.

"They are wrestling."

"What do you mean wres.." I paused "Oh. Um. Kenna quietly go back to your room."

"But I can't sleep. It sounded like Elliot was hurting Olivia."

"Come on, you can sleep here." I pulled the blanket over her little body. I fell asleep, making a mental note to sanitize and wash the blankets, pillows and couch.

* * *

**Saturday Morning 9am**

I woke up to the smell of pancakes. Wanting a few more minutes of snuggling time, I reached for the small body next to me, only to discover that she was gone. Yawning I slipped on the silk robe and put on my slippers and padded out to the kitchen. Elliot was still passed out on the couch, while Olivia and McKenna were making breakfast. Flour was spilled all over the counter, floor and the duo. I picked up my camera and took a few pictures. McKenna was intently listening to the instructions Olivia was giving her. McKenna noticed me first. She ran up to me.

"Livia and I made pancakes!"

"I see," I laughed. " You also made a mess"

"Don't worry we will clean it up." Olivia said

"I think you have other things to clean. " I smirked " Like the couch sheets."

Olivia blushed then stammered. "I.I. Uh."

"Liv, it's okay, but uh McKenna, she saw you two last night."

"Yeah, it looked like Elliot was hurting you. You were making funny noises and your face was all scrunched up. Why were you naked?" McKenna asked.

Olivia looked up at me." You are on your own." I said as I walked out of the room. Seconds Later McKenna appeared by my side.

"Mommy, Livvy told me to talk to you."

"About?"

"Naked wrestling."

"Honey, it is something only grown ups play."

"Like a game?"

"Sort of"

"Okay." She started to walk away but stopped. "Mommy did you ever play?"

"Yeah, a couple times" I said truthfully

"Did you win?"

"You bet honey." I smiled at my prize.

"Breakfast!" Olivia hollered.

* * *

**Saturday Afternoon 1pm**

Elliot had gone into work just a few hours after breakfast. I helped Olivia clean up the kitchen as McKenna watched Beauty and the Beast. When we finished we sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. "So, how are things with Elliot?"

"Pretty good."

"Are you guys going to move in with each other soon?" I asked taking a sip.

"We want to, but we are trying to find a house big enough for the two of us and his kids. Plus if we have kids, we need a huge house. Maureen needs her own room. Kathleen and Lizzie are going to share one, Dickie being the only boy, gets his own room. Then we want an extra room for our future baby. Elliot would like a room for his parents, when they come and visit. So we need at least 6 bedrooms."

"I was surprised that Kathy gave Elliot full custody."

"Well, she wanted to move to California. Maureen and Kathleen are old enough to say where they want to live. Elliot didn't want his kids split up, so he told Kathy he was taking the twins. She gave in." Olivia said. "So how are things with you and that handsome doctor?"

"Fine. Oh, speaking of Aidan. We have a date on Friday night. Could you watch McKenna?"

"Sure, she will love spending the night at my apartment." While Elliot and Olivia are looking for a house, they have been living separately in their own apartments.

"Thanks."

"Well, I better get going.

* * *

**Friday Morning 6:34 am**

I finished getting ready for work. McKenna had been coming to work with me for the last week. She would eat breakfast at my desk then I would walk her up to the daycare center. I woke her up and laid out her clothes for her to get dressed.

I got together a muffin and a juice box. She came out of her room in the outfit that Olivia had given her the other day. It was a gray plaid jumper, with red tights and a white long sleeve tee shirt, she had put on black dress shoes. I grabbed a brush and two hair ties out of the bathroom and did her hair in two French braided pigtails. Grabbing our jackets we got into my car. It was chilly out for June.

"Mommy can I stay with you today?"

"No, pumpkin, you have to go to the day care center. You are going to Olivia's house today remember?"

"Oh yeah!" She smiled. She ran back to her room and came back with her small duffel bag. I held her hand and carried the food in my other as we walked down to my car. When we got to the bullpen, she spotted her favorite person. "Olivia" She hugged Olivia, who let out a oomph, as McKenna collided with her body.

"Hey kiddo."

"I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday."

"I know."

"McKenna come eat your breakfast." I said as I laid it out on my neat desk. She quickly ate. "Okay, say good bye to Olivia. You have to go upstairs now."

I took McKenna to the center and got to work the second I came back.

"So, how are you going to handle her going away?"

"Fine. I mean she'll be with you. Besides it is only one night."

"Liar, you'll go crazy."

"I probably will." I laughed. "But then again, I'll have something to keep my mind off of her."

"Aidan?"

"Yep."

"Nice."

"I agree." I finished one file and walked it over to her desk. "Good luck."

"Huh?"

"Trying to sleep. She'll ask you a million questions."

"Got ear plugs?"

"Nope, not sharing mine" I laughed

By 6:30 we caught two rape cases and a child abuse case. Munch was out on sick leave so I was partnered with Fin. I don't have a partner; I just tag along with who ever captain sends me with. We also arrested a man who was stalking a woman he had raped several months ago. By 7 Olivia was ready to go. She went and got McKenna and brought her down to say good-bye. A little while after they left, I went home to get ready for my date.

Tonight I was going to tell Aidan about my daughter being found. I was really nervous about telling him. This was going to be a make it or break it kind of date. I put on my little black dress. The doorbell rang and I invited him in.

"Hey.' He said kissing my neck. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." I sighed. "We have to stop. Dinner is getting cold."

"I want dessert." He said running his hand all over my body. He laid his hand on my breast, gently squeezing.

"We have to stop. I have something to tell you."

"Tell me after." He said starting to unzip my dress. I pulled away.

"I am not sure how you will handle it."

"It's serious."

"Yes." I said. We sat on the couch.

"Are you sick?"

"No, nothing like that." I said. I took his hands in mine.

"What is it then?"

"Aidan, I have a daughter."

"What?!" Aidan said standing up. "We have been dating for a month and you now tell me."

"She was kidnapped when she was little. My co-workers just found her. I didn't tell you because it was too hard to talk about." I stood up walking over to him. " Look, I am sorry. Please forgive me." He stared at me for several seconds. "She is 6 and she looks like me."

I smiled and waited for his reaction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Saturday early afternoon**

I woke up and glanced at the clock. 11:45 am. I was supposed to pick McKenna up 45 minute ago. Olivia should be calling soon, or stopping by. As if on cue I heard my cell phone ringing from across the room, I know it's her. The ringing stops, but the house phone starts up. God I wish I could pick it up, the answering machine gets it for me.

"Alyssa, it's Liv. Where are you?" I hear McKenna in the background. "Alyssa pick up the phone. Sweetie, I know you are home, please answer the phone." There was a several minute pause. "Honey, I am coming over."

The machine clicked off. I started crying, knowing that my best friend was coming to save me. God my body kills; I can't even blink without feeling a sharp pain throughout my body. 20 minutes later I hear the door unlock. Olivia and McKenna walked in. I heard Olivia turn on the TV and sty put. She knocked on my bedroom door. "Alyssa, are you in there?"

I opened my mouth to scream for her but only a little scarred voice that I didn't recognize cam out. "Olivia."

She opened the door and gasped. Grabbing a blanket off the floor she covered up my naked body. I sighed at the warm sensation. "Oh my gosh, what happened?"

"He hit me and raped me." I sobbed as she smoothed back my hair.

She called a bus, then called Elliot and Casey. Thankfully Casey got here before the bus, so that McKenna wouldn't have to see me. I cried harder as I heard McKenna screaming for me.

Olivia rode with me to the hospital. The doctors did a rape kit with me. Elliot tried to get a statement but I was too tired and Emotionally drained. The doctor had to put stitches in my mouth and on my hairline. Luckily my ribs were just bruised and not broken. I had a slight concussion but the doctor said it would go away within a week. Cragen stopped by and gave me two weeks worth of leave with pay. Then I would be on desk duty my first three days back.

* * *

Hours later I was released; Elliot had dropped off Olivia's car and hitched a ride back to the station with Cragen. The drive home was quiet. Both of us were too afraid to talk. She helped me into my apartment and on to the couch. "Well I guess I will get out of these scrubs, and then I will go pick McKenna up from Casey's"

"I'll go get her. You stay here and rest."

"Thanks, I think I will go take a shower." I started walking to the bathroom but looked back at Olivia. "What do I tell her? She knows something happened?"

"I'll talk to her."

"Thanks, I owe you."

"No you don't" she came closer to me and gently hugged me. I was the one to tighten the hug. My ribs hurt like hell, but I felt safe. "I am so glad you are okay."

I nodded and let go. She left and I continued to make my way to the shower. The hot water ran over my wounds. After I washed my hair I let the hot water slid down my body. Each droplet fell from my breasts to my stomach and pooled in my belly button before it sunk to my legs and down the drain. I turned off the shower and wrapped a big terry cloth towel around me. I opened the door shivering slightly at the cold draft of air. I went to my bedroom and opened my door. I didn't realized I was crying until I got to my bed which was still the same as when I had been found. I sat on the bed and cried.

A hand slipped over my arms and made their way into the towel. I felt a pair of lips trailing along my neck to my back, following my spine. I felt a hand pull the towel away and the other covering my mouth. I let out a blood-curdling scream and jumped up, only to find no one in the room but me. I picked up the cordless phone on my nightstand and dialed my life saver.

A few rings later she picked it up. "Alyssa, are you okay?"

"I can't"

"You can't what? Honey what can't you do?"

"Stay here, I smell him. I feel him. I see him. Olivia he is every where."

"Sweetie where are you?"

"My room"

"Alyssa, get out of there. Sit down on the couch and I will be there very soon. You and McKenna can come stay with me"

"Olivia I am so scared." I choked out

"I know baby, but you have to stay calm."

"Please hurry."

"I just pulled up to the building."

I hung up the phone and leaned against the hallway door, staring into my room. McKenna walked into the hallway and hugged me. "Are you okay mommy?"

"Now I am. Go pack your suitcases. Get everything you want"

"Why?"

"We are moving in to Olivia's Apartment."

"Olivia, you hear that. We are living with you"

"Yeah. Now go do what you were told"

"Stay here and I will go pack your things." Olivia said touching my shoulder.

* * *

2 hours later we were set up in Olivia's three-bedroom apartment. The two were making dinner as I slept in my bed. I told them to eat without me. After the latest events, I didn't have an appetite. After dinner Olivia gave McKenna a bath then got her into bed. She opened my bedroom door. I was staring at the wall. "Hey"

"Hey." I said

"El and the two guys are coming tomorrow to talk to you about what happened. I think I'll take McKenna to the park to give you some privacy."

"Okay." I looked at her and smiled. " You are being really nice."

"Anything for my best friend"

"And McKenna she loves staying here."

"Yeah." She said slowly. "Look Alyssa"

"Olivia, I am not in the mood." I snapped

"Well I am here if you want to talk"

"I wanna talk just don't go all detective on me. Talk to me like a friend, not a victim."

"Okay." She sat down on the floor next to the bed.

I let out a big sigh. " We were fooling around and I told him that I needed to tell him something. I told him that I had a daughter. After a few minutes he got mad and he hit me. I don't know what he was upset about. He pushed me into the wall." I started crying. "He then swung me into the air and threw me across the room. I landed against the wall, I hit my head on the floor. He started kicking me. He dragged me into the bedroom and He..he..he raped me. Again and again and again."

" I am so sorry."

"Don't be. I am just glad McKenna wasn't there to see it." I yawned

"Well we had a long day. Why don't you try to get some sleep.'

"Night Liv."

"Night."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I haven't updated latley...I just found out that I am pregnant!!!**

* * *

**Same Night**

**Olivia's POV**

As I closed the door to Alyssa's room, I heard the faint whimper and sob escape her lips. I leaned against her door and closed my eyes for a moment, then forced myself to go into my own room. I picked up my cell phone and called Elliot.

"Hey, It's Liv."

"Hey baby. How are you?"

"I am doing fairly well. Alyssa and McKenna moved in with me."

"Why?"

"She was scared Elliot what was I suppose to do?" I almost yelled.

"I didn't mean it like that." Elliot sighed. "How is she?"

"Better, I guess."

"You want to go out for dinner tomorrow night?"

"I don't know if I can leave her alone."

"Liv, she is a grown woman. I am sure she will be pissed that you think you have to baby-sit her."

"But El."

"Have Casey come over and stay with her."

"I guess so."

"So are we one for tomorrow then?"

"Yes."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I said seductively. I can just see him shifting now, that voice always makes him hot.

"Hmm. You know what I would do if you where here with me right now?"

"What?"

"I would kiss your lips, then work my way down to your sweet spot."

"I do not have a sweet spot."

"Olivia, every time I kiss you there, you turn into putty,"

Before I could protest I heard screams. "Elliot hold on."

"Okay, but hurry back."

I got off the bed in time to see Alyssa walking out of McKenna's room. "Did she have a nightmare?"

"No." She whispered, embarrassed. "I did."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No. I am fine. I am sorry I woke you up."

"Really it's okay."

"Is it always going to be this hard?"

I had no idea what to say. I didn't know what she is going through, yeah I see it at work. But it is different when it happens personally. "I promise it will get easier." I said shaky

"You don't sound too sure." She said, before I could respond her door was shut, leaving me alone in the dark hallway. I went back into my room and told Elliot good-night. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Several tears found their way down my face. Why was I crying? I wasn't the one who was raped? I wasn't the one who was beaten and left for dead. So why was I crying? I turned off the faucet and went back into my room only to discover McKenna. She was sitting on my bed. She had a stuffed animal named lumpkin which she only held and carried when she was scared or sad. "Can I stay with you?" I nodded, knowing she needed to be comforted. "Mommy is sad."

"I know, but soon she will be okay."

"How long are we going to stay here?"

"Till mommy is ready to leave."

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe in Angels?"

"Yes, I do."

"Me, too"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because Mommy needs an angel"

"She has one." I said tucking a piece of her stray hair behind her ear. "Her name is McKenna."

* * *

**Sunday Morning**

**Park Playground**

**Alyssa's POV**

Olivia pushed McKenna on the swing. I could hear her giggles from across the park. I was telling John and Elliot about the attack while Fin played with Olivia and My child.

When we finished we joined the other 3. When we got home Olivia and I made lunch while McKenna played with her dollhouse that Elliot brought over. Olivia put the noodles in the water. I sat on the counter as she stirred. "So how did it go?"

"Well, lets just say I know what it is like to be the victim now." I stared at the floor below my feet.

"What are you thinking?"

"I just. It seems." I stammered unsure of what to say. "I just feel that I am now powerless. I am afraid that when I go back to work, I won't be able to handle interrogating the perps or talking to the Victims without getting emotional or violent. Why didn't I fight back. I let him hurt me. I am such an idiot."

"Listen. You are not an idiot. It is not your fault he did that to you. You can't control other people. He is a lot stronger than you. You are not powerless you are just. Lost. I am sure that once you get back to work on ass duty for a while you will get into the swing of things again. Just take this time to focus on you and your little girl in the other room."

I listened to everything Olivia said. McKenna walked into her room carrying her three favorite Barbie dolls. One had brown short hair that came to her shoulders. The other had brown curly hair and the second was a smaller version of the one with curly hair. McKenna named them Olivia, Alyssa and McKenna. "Mommy, Aunt Livia, will you play Barbie's?"

"Sweetie Aunt Olivia and I are talking, besides lunch will be ready in a few minutes. Go play in the livingroom. I promise we will play before bedtime."

She instantly grew red in the face. "Uh-oh she has the famous Alyssa Jackson face."

"What?" I asked Olivia whose eyes were quite wide.

"When you get pissed your face grows bright red. That is when you run for your life."

"I want to play Barbie's now damn it." She shouted.

"McKenna, watch your mouth. You should not be talking like that." I got off the counter. I wasn't yelling, but I did slightly raise my voice firmly."

"So, I don't care."

"Well I do. I am not going to have my child disrespect me or anyone else. I think you need to say you're sorry to Olivia for saying that."

"Sorry." She grumbled.

"Now, go to your room and sit on your bed until lunch is done."

McKenna stormed off to her room; the door slammed and shook the pictures in the hallway. "Wow" was all Olivia could say.

"What?"

"Nice work. You handled that really well."

"That was the first time I have ever had to punish her."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

"No one likes to punish their kids."

"She'll get over it."

We finished making lunch and I went to get Kenna. "Pumpkin, lunch is done."

"I am not hungry."

"I am sorry I had to raise my voice to you, but it wasn't very nice the way you talked to us."

"I'm sorry." She said, she looked at me with her big blue eyes. " Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad." I hugged her. "Now do you want to come and eat? We made your favorite, Mac and Cheese."

"Yum. Can we play Barbie's after?"

"Only if Aunt Olivia wants to."

Between the three of us we managed to down two boxes of Mac and Cheese and 10 hot dogs. I was very hungry because I have barely eaten in the last couple days. While we cleaned the dishes McKenna went to set up her dolls. Olivia walked to the closet to get a towel to dry the dishes I was washing. I heard a loud scream from Olivia, followed by a loud crash. I came out to find Olivia on the floor laying on top of McKenna's toys that she had knocked over off the table. "What the hell?"

Olivia was holding on to her chest right above her heart. All she could do was point. I followed her finger and smirked when I saw McKenna sitting in the closet with a scary Halloween mask on. "Roar" McKenna growled.

"Oh no." I shouted playfully. I ran into my room and grabbed the laundry hamper. I came back out to find the door shut and Olivia, who recovered from her near heart attack, leaning up against it.

"Alyssa there is a monster in the closet."

Olivia reopened the door and I put the hamper over McKenna as she crawled out. Olivia leaned on the basket. I kneeled down to meet her yellow eyes.

"What are you doing in my closet?" I asked

"I am not a monster"

"Oh really, because your yellow eyes, black teeth and hairy face are telling me otherwise."

"Mommy it's me."

"Me? Me who?"

"McKenna"

"You can't be McKenna. She has beautiful blue eyes and curly brown hair."

I watched McKenna as she pulled off the mask. "See mommy."

"Oh, my you are McKenna."

"Told you so." She smiled. "Now let me out."

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because Olivia is leaning against the basket.

"Well get her off"

"She is too strong."

"Olivia Benson, you get off right now." Olivia glanced at me. She mouthed 1-2-3. On 3 we both ran and hid around the apartment. McKenna searched for us, but we kept finding new hiding spots. After twenty minutes I heard the sobs. "Momma!"

Tears filled my eyes as I came out from behind the couch. She was on the floor crying. I picked her up and she rested her head against my shoulder. Olivia came out from behind the TV stand and placed her hand on McKenna's back. "What is wrong with her?"

"McKenna, why are you crying?" I asked her.

She was quiet for a second. She lifted her head up. "Ha Ha Ha, McKenna wins!"

"You think you are just so funny." I said as I tickled McKenna. "Who's the funniest mom in the world?"

"You are." She said between giggles.

"McKenna, Alyssa" We both turned to Olivia. Our eyes were bright, our skin was glowing from laughter and sweat beaded our faces. She held a camera up and took our pictures.

"I love you mommy."

"I love you too."

McKenna stood up and wandered over to Olivia. "I love you too."

"I love you lots McKenna," Olivia hugged her.

"Can we play dollies now?"

"Sure' we both said. As we sat down McKenna looked at me. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby doll."

"Do you love Olivia?"

"Yes, she is my best friend."

"Olivia do you love my mommy?"

"She is my sister" McKenna crawled over to Olivia and whispered in her ear. "McKenna, you are so much like your mamma, you two could pass for twins." Olivia laughed.

"Mommy, I want to live here forever."

"We can't stay here forever, honey"

"Why not?" She said. "I like it here."

"I do too, but Olivia and Elliot are going to move in together soon."

"He can have my room, I'll sleep on the floor. Please Olivia can we stay forever?"

Neither of us knew what to say. "Honey, you can come spend the night. After school you come down to the station, I'll see you then."

"Don't you love me?"

"Of Course I love you and your mommy. But I love Elliot too. And we are a family."

"Sweetie, things change." I said stroking her hair. "Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered. She stood up and walked away with her Olivia doll.

"Don't you want to play dolls?" I asked.

"No, not anymore." She walked into her room and shut the door.

I leaned my head back on the couch cushion. " I didn't think it was going to be so hard."

"She had to learn, Alyssa. Things are going to be changing soon."

"Seems that a lot of things are changing lately." I mumbled. "So what time is your date with Elliot?"

"Later tonight, I think we might go to see a movie or something."

"If you want the apartment to yourself, McKenna and I can go out for a while."

"We will go over to his place. So what are you doing tonight?"

"Casey wants to get together to talk about the trial. We are going to see if McKenna will want to testify. The trial is in a week. I think I will be more relaxed once her kidnappers are put in jail."

"What about Aidan?"

"What about him?"

"Are you going to press charges?"

"I don't know, I mean I don't think I can handle going to court over two different cases right now."

"You should think about it."

"I will."

Without another word Olivia went into her room, leaving me to ponder. I had so much on my mind. I have to get through McKenna's case before I can even think about my rape. Rape. I still can't believe that I was raped. I am a cop, not just any cop but a sex crimes detective. I arrest the bad guys and make the victims feel safe. Now I am a victim. How could I have let this happen to me?

How the hell can I protect others when I can't even protect myself?

Maybe I can't be an SVU detective anymore.

Maybe I shouldn't


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I haven't updated lately. I have been busy with school and baby things.

This chapter is short, I promise I will make it up to you. I am having a tad bit of writers block

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**3 weeks later**

**Outside the 1-6 precinct**

McKenna and I had moved out of Olivia's apartment two weeks ago. We now live a beautiful three-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, about 10 blocks from Olivia. I haven't seen her since we moved out. The squad had caught a long case. Worked nearly night and day for a week and a half straight. To be honest it was nice that Olivia and I haven't talked, don't get me wrong, I love her, but it was nice for me and McKenna to get our lives back on track. McKenna had started school yesterday. She loves it; she loves her teacher and has already made several friends. I wasn't worried about her making friends, because she is such a like-able person.

It was my first day back. Cragen had given me an extra week of leave so that I wasn't overly stressed for McKenna's trial. Casey did an amazing job; the Smiths had been sentenced to 50 years in jail.

I had dropped McKenna off at school and drove to work. I had been parked in my assigned parking spot for several minutes. My car was still running and I was tightly gripping the steering wheel, debating what to do. Telling myself that I wasn't ready, I started to put the car in reverse. A rap startled me; I looked to see Captain Cragen. He motioned for me to get out of the car. I turned off the car and grabbed my bag. The sun instantly heated up my skin. He shut my door for me after I got out.

"Donna, the secretary called me and said you had been parked out here for 10 minutes. I knew there was something wrong."

"I am not ready."

"Yeah, you are. If you weren't ready, you wouldn't have even driven here."

"I changed my mind."

"No, you didn't. You have been in my squad for two years. I know you. It is just nerves. You think you can't protect others now. You can."

"How do you know?"

"I have been a captain for several years, since before you were born. Every single one of my detectives has had a personal crisis and didn't know if they could be cops anymore."

"Really?"

"Olivia got a teenaged girl to confess that she murdered her mom, only to find out her mom was a drunk. Her and her mom had been fighting over the 21 year old she was seeing. Olivia went and searched the apartment, found hundreds of vodka bottles. Olivia told Casey about a story of when she was 16; her mother nearly killed her with a vodka bottle, because she wanted to leave her mother. No one knows this but she almost quit."

"I knew her mother was a drunk."

"So did most of the squad, but she never said anything about her mother abusing her."

"What made her stay?"

"She didn't want other Carries or Olivias to suffer." Cragen paused. "I know you don't want any girlfriends or wives to suffer from their spouses abuse."

I stared at him for what seemed like hours. "You're right. I was being selfish."

"No, you were being a normal person going through a crisis. So how about we go inside and get you reacquainted with your desk."

"Sure." I went to walk around him to go inside, I gasped when he grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I am glad you are okay. You are like my daughter."

"Thanks" I whispered trying to hold back the tears.

We walked inside, my pace slowed when we reached the doors. Don gave me a reassuring look before I walked in. Everyone was at his or her desks. I placed my bag under my desk and walked my jacket over to the coat rack. I turned to see Olivia standing behind me. "Good to see you back."

"Feels nice to be here. It will feel even better when I get to bust perps again."

"I miss watching you run." I laughed as I turned to John.

"Yeah it is probably the best ass you have seen in a long time." I said purposefully running a hand over my butt.

"Ah, I see you didn't lose your not so funny remarks." John said with a tap on my back.

"I lost a lot of things John, but I will never lose the ability to make fun of you."

"So Alyssa how is McKenna?" Fin asked

"Great, she started school and is having a blast."

We all talked for a couple minutes before Cragen walked into the room. He was carrying a box of donuts. "One PP sent these up here."

I held my hand up to my heart and sucked in a breath of air loudly. "You mean they have hearts? They actually care?"

Everyone laughed as they grabbed a donut or in my case 3, which I had managed to gobble down before some, had even finished one. No one said a thing and I was glad, normally I would only eat a half a donut.

After 2 hours of doing excitably boring paperwork, I rushed off to the ladies room. I passed Olivia who was standing at the coffee machine. I held my hand over my mouth. I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet and washed my face. I got back to my seat and ignored the four pairs of eyes watching me. "You will get more done looking at the papers and not me." I said not looking up.

"Are you feeling okay?" Elliot asked

"Just catching a cold or the flu."

"You sure?" Elliot asked. He walked over and felt my forehead. "No Fever"

"Elliot I am not a child."

"But you are my friend."

"Look I am fine, I just had to much to eat."

"I remember Kathy eat so much one time she was sick for an hour, of course she was." Elliot stopped when he saw the scared look on my face. " Can I talk to you in the cribs for a second?"

"Sure." I followed him, when we got inside he shut the door and leaned against it. I had my back facing him, knowing what was about to be said.

"You're pregnant aren't you?"

"I don't know." I said.

"Does Olivia know?"

"I don't know if I am. Besides we haven't talked since I moved out."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want Olivia to think that I need her for everything. For the last couple weeks I have been on my own, not leaning on Olivia."

"She doesn't think that. She knows that you were going through something hard and you needed someone there."

"What if I am? What am I going to do?"

"You will raise this baby and give it a good life. You are a good mom to McKenna and you will do the same for this baby." He said. "Have you taken a test?"

"Elliot, I really don't want to talk about this with you, not to be mean or anything. I can handle this on my own."

"Okay, it's fine. I understand" He opened the door. "We should get back to work."

"I am going to hang out here for a little while."

"Okay." He quietly shut the door and collapsed on one of the hard and uncomfortable cots. I must have fallen asleep because Olivia was shaking me roughly.

"Alyssa, wake up." She said. I opened my eyes. She was sitting on the bed holding something in her hand. "Elliot told me about your conversation. So I went to the drug store and got a test."

I didn't say anything; I just stared at the white and pink box. The box that was going to tell me the future. I watched as Olivia opened it and handed me one of the two sticks. She held one out to me. I sat up and shakily reached for it. I grasped it in my hands so tight I thought I was going to break it. I shivered as I pulled the blanket off of me and stood up. I slowly made my way to the door and looked at Olivia before I shut the door. She gave me a smile that calmed me down just a little.

After I finished my business, I carried the test out to Olivia. I laid it on the floor and sat on the bunk. Olivia's arm wrapped around me. "Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"It will work out in the end."

"Will it?" I asked. Without saying anything else, she knew what I meant. She didn't know what to say. For the remainder of the wait we sat in peace. Her cell Phone alarm went off signaling it was time. She picked it up and handed it to me.

"What is it?"

"McKenna is going to be a big sister." I smiled and let out a wet laugh, from the tears I was crying. "Oh, Olivia, a baby."

"So I take it, you are happy."

"I don't care that this baby was conceived by rape. I am happy that this baby was conceived."

"Congratulations Mommy."

"I am going to be a mommy again."


	6. Chapter 6

I started showing a few months ago. Cragen decided that when I was four months along that I should be on desk duty. I miss chasing after and interrogating the suspects, but I do enjoy talking to the victims, who seem to want to talk to me more. They are comfortable with me and are often calling me to update about how things are going. Some even send me baby items. Like Jenna Waterman, she sent me an adorable little blanket she made. Now going into my eighth month things are getting a little harder. I can't seem to sit still for more than five minutes and this baby is really active. I know the sex but I am keeping that a secret until the baby is born.

I took Aidan to court. Asshole gets 15 years probation and has to register on the sex offender's list. The jury couldn't decide whom to believe. There was no doubt that he had beaten me up so he got 10 years probation. The 5 were for the rape. Many of the victims of previous cases had shown up to support me. Casey and Olivia were there for me, when I needed to cry, or when I needed to thrown things. I managed to get through and don't regret a thing.

Olivia and I started getting our relationship back. Oh and guess what. Olivia and Elliot are engaged. He proposed to her three weeks ago. He invited the squad to a dinner and proposed. Olivia started crying, but managed to squeak out a yes. They are getting married in the summer, just three months away. I have been helping her plan her wedding and she has been helping me with the baby's nursery.

John and Casey started dating last week. An odd pair they are, but they make each other happy. Fin got a girlfriend, but we don't know too much about her. John makes jokes saying he is her pimp.

Today I get to take a break from doing paperwork and talking to victims. Kelly Liam is due in court to testify against her husband for abusing her. I waited outside for the cab to take me to the courthouse. 5 hours and about 40 trips to the bathroom later, Mr. Liam was taken into custody for abusing Kelly and threatening her in open court that he was going to kill her and their 8-year-old son.

As I stand on the curb of the street something just doesn't feel right. No I am not in labor, the baby is fine. It is just one of those gut feelings. I shake it off as I jump into the cab that just pulled up. I give him the address of the precinct and lean my head against the cool window. Slowly I drift off to sleep.

OLIVIA"S POV

I stare at the clock for what seems like the millionth time. Alyssa was due back here 45 minutes ago. I know her pregnancy has slowed her down a lot but never this much. I can hear the captain's phone ring. After a couple minutes he steps into the bullpen.

"John, Fin, Elliot and Olivia get your coats. We have to meet Casey at Mercy General."

"Why?" Elliot asks, throwing me my coat.

"Just go." Is all he says. We pile into one car no one sure of what to say or do. We sit in silence. Captain is in the front passenger seat as Elliot drives. I look at his face and see tears welling in his eyes.

The ride seems like hours long. When we do get to the hospital I am the first one out of the car. That is when I see Casey running up to the car. Her face and eyes are red from crying.

"Casey, what is wrong?" I asked her as John wrapped his arms around her.

"Alyssa, she was in a car accident."


	7. Authors note

Sorry for not updating in a while but I have been Soooooo busy. I dont have enough time to finish this story so I am going to quickly wrap it up. I will write other short ones but this one was going to be really long. Sorry! I know I didn't get to any E/O Smut so I will think of a story.


	8. Chapter 7

With tears in her eyes, Olivia paced through the waiting room hoping her doctor would come out soon. Elliot and the rest of the group sat on the chairs. The nurse at the front desk said that she was in surgery. Three hours had passed since they arrived at the hospital and 5 had passed since the accident. Munch tried to keep things light and calming, by telling some not so funny jokes. Casey sat at the children's coloring table coloring pictures with McKenna.

Soon the janitors were cleaning the floors and picking up garbage and straitening the year old magazines. McKenna had fallen asleep on the small sofa chair. No one spoke, afraid of what to say.

Olivia's eyes were slowly starting to droop shut. She was nearly half asleep when she heard a deep voice. "Are you all here for Alyssa?"

She jumped up and went over to the doctor. Everyone stood around him hoping for good news. "How is she?" Olivia asked wanting to cry.

"I am sorry to have to say this, but Alyssa didn't make it our of surgery. She lost too much blood. She also had a lot of damage from the accident, that even if she had made it through she would have died within a few days."

"What about the baby?" Elliot asked

"We were able to save the baby. She had a healthy baby boy. She was able to hold him for just a short time before we had to start the surgery. She wanted me to tell you that if anything happens, she would like an Olivia Benson-Stabler and Elliot Stabler to take care of her two children."

"When can we see him?"

"I will have a nurse bring him out. He is about 4 hours old." The doctor left after he gave his apologies to everyone. Olivia leaned into Elliot's shoulder.

"Why Elliot? Why did her have to die? It isn't fair. I miss her so much."

"I miss her too Livvy. We have to be strong for McKenna and her little brother. It will be okay."

Olivia looked around and noticed that everyone was crying. Crying for losing a friend. Crying for her two children. A friend, co-worker, mother, sister, and daughter was gone. The only thing left of her was the little girl on the couch and the little boy in the nursery. A nurse came out carrying a baby in a blue blanket. She walked over to Olivia and laid him in her arms. "He weighed 6 pounds and 3 oz. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope everything works out for the best."

"Thank you." Olivia said. "When can we take him home?"

"Next week. After the papers are filed and he is checked out by a doctor." The nurse gave Olivia a reassuring smile and walked back to tend to the other newborns.

Olivia turned to Elliot and kissed his lips. "We have a family now."

"All thanks to Alyssa."

"Yeah." Olivia said. "It will all be okay, won't it?"

"You bet. Alyssa is looking down on us and guiding us."

One by one each person got to hold the baby. Then those who were willing to, went to say their final good bye.

Olivia stood in the doorway, unable to move. With baby Cole in her arms she took the few steps to the bed, where her friend lay. "Hey Alyssa. I really am going to miss you. I love you so much. You were and still are my best friend. Thank you for everything." She leaned down and kissed her cold cheek. "Thank you."


End file.
